


Secret

by silentdescant



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Bottoming, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-28
Updated: 2011-06-28
Packaged: 2017-10-20 19:54:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/216543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentdescant/pseuds/silentdescant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For <a href="http://glam-kink.livejournal.com/1444.html?thread=1669284#t1669284">this prompt</a> on Glam_Kink: Adam says he's a top, but really he's a big old bottom boy. Only Brad and Drake know that he's a bottom. Adam gets into a new relationship and when it comes time to have sex Adam starts to get nervous because it'll mean that he has to share that he doesn't like to top.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret

It's been so long. Adam isn't quite sure how to stop being his persona and start being _Adam_ , so he just does what Sauli expects him to do. He takes hold of Sauli's arms and walks him backwards down the hall. He maneuvers Sauli to the bed, kisses him once more, and pushes him down onto the mattress. He crawls over him, hovering on his hands and knees and not touching Sauli anywhere but his mouth.

He doesn't want this to be like those one night stands, unsatisfying sex with nameless, faceless boys. He likes Sauli--he _likes_ Sauli. He wants this to be _good_. Wants it to be a continuation of their perfect night out on the town. Wants it to happen again.

"Oh, god," he breathes. He breaks their kiss, hanging his head so he doesn't have to meet Sauli's eyes. Sauli lays a hand on the back of Adam's neck, gentle and careful; he senses something's wrong.

"Adam?" he asks quietly.

"It's alright," Adam assures him quickly. "I'm just... nervous."

"Nervous?" Sauli laughs. "Why should you be nervous? I am the one that should be nervous."

Adam cracks a smile and leans up to kiss Sauli's face. His chin, his cheek, finally his lips again. "I just really like you," he says.

"That is good. Because I would hate for us to be together if you did not like me." He smiles up at Adam for a moment, happy and utterly charming, then says, "I really like you also, Adam."

Adam's stomach twists painfully. He grimaces. "I need to tell you something."

Sauli seems to sense that Adam's serious; he squirms out from under Adam and sits them both up, leaving his hands on Adam's shoulders for comfort. "What is it?"

Adam stares at him. He's not even sure how to say it. He doesn't want to bring up old relationships, and he doesn't want to compare Sauli to those boys he fucked on tour--not even in a positive way. The longer he waits, the more concerned Sauli looks. Adam finally laughs and tells him, "It's gonna sound so stupid."

"You can tell me." Sauli smiles at him again. "I will not laugh."

Adam takes a deep breath. He lets it out slowly, concentrating on releasing all that tension, all the nerves with that gust of air. He does feel more relaxed afterward. "I don't know what you're expecting--okay, that's not true. I do know what you're expecting, I think. I mean, I put it out there, like, on purpose. I act that way on purpose. But... it's not real. I mean, I'm not--Fuck, I don't know how to say this."

"How do you act?"

"I act like... I act like a top. A Dom. I act like I like taking control. And I mean, don't get me wrong, I totally do, when it comes to performing and my look and, y'know, like that. But... Fuck."

"Tell me what you mean, then."

Adam meets Sauli's eyes and forces himself not to look away. "In bed, I'm not like that. I mislead people. I want them to think I'm some kind of dominant, sexy rockstar, y'know?"

"You are a sexy rockstar," Sauli laughs.

Adam grins, conceding that point. "But I don't like to fuck guys and be all... in control like that. I'd like for guys--for _you_ \--to fuck me. Is that--Would you do that? For me? I know it's not what you must've expected, and I mean, sometimes I get it wrong and I get into relationships with guys who just... don't mesh with me, and it means neither of us enjoy sex even though we love each other, and I don't want us to end up that way, because I really like you, and I really want to be with you, so I just thought, maybe, you would be open to that? To fucking me?"

"Shhh," Sauli says. "You must be nervous. You talk a lot when you are nervous."

"Sorry."

"You say this from experience, I think? I am not that way, Adam. You do not have to worry about me." He touches Adam's face and smiles again and this time it puts Adam at ease. "If that is what you want, then we can do that. I am not very... How do you say it? The same all of the time."

"You don't mind?" Adam asks hopefully.

"No! Why would I mind? I just want to be with you. No matter how."

"No matter how." Adam smiles, feeling his cheeks flush pink, but doesn't look away. "How are you so perfect?"

"Easy," Sauli replies cheerfully. "I have practice."

Adam kisses him then, a quick brush of lips and tongues, and pulls Sauli down on top of him as he sinks down to his back on the bed. He parts his thighs, wrapping his legs around Sauli's waist and pulling him in, and Sauli flails for a moment, unbalanced.

"How do you want--"

"Like this," Adam says quickly. "On my back. I want to see your face."

Sauli backs off and starts pulling Adam's pants down his thighs, his fingers quick on the buttons and quicker to grasp Adam's cock once it's freed. Adam arches up automatically, and then reaches for Sauli's clothes. They're both naked in seconds and Sauli falls back down on top of Adam's chest, his hands warm and tight on Adam's sides, holding him. He keeps kissing Adam even while his fingers tease Adam's entrance, and it's really very distracting. Adam's mouth goes lax; he lets himself be kissed and rocks his hips mindlessly up against Sauli's cock.

By the time Sauli gets a condom on and slicked up, Adam's sweating and moaning desperately. It's been so long. He can't even remember the last time he'd been really, satisfyingly fucked. Sauli pushes Adam's legs up, bending him in half, and Adam relishes the stretch in his thighs. He hooks one ankle over Sauli's shoulder and wraps a hand around his other knee, keeping himself open for Sauli to push in. Sauli moves slowly at first, giving Adam time to get used to the stretch, but Adam doesn't wait long before rocking back into each thrust.

"Oh, fuck, baby, so good," he gasps. "Needed this, needed this so bad."

"I don't know why," Sauli says breathlessly, "those other boys did not want to fuck you like this. You are beautiful like this."

Adam reaches up and grabs a handful of Sauli's short hair, yanking him down for a kiss that's mostly teeth and tongue. Sauli slides his hand between their bodies and starts jerking Adam off, and it's too soon; Adam wanted this to last.

"Do not worry," Sauli whispers into Adam's mouth. "We have time to do this again."

Adam tosses his head back. "And again, and again, and again," he groans. He's interrupted by Sauli's tongue in his mouth, and then he comes, and he can't even focus on that anymore. Sauli starts talking, saying things Adam thinks are words but he isn't sure if he's even meant to understand. Sauli comes a moment later, biting down on Adam's shoulder hard enough to leave a mark.

He stays inside Adam until he catches his breath, then rolls over and spreads out on his back on that side of the bed. Adam turns onto his side and gives him a grateful smile.

"Thanks," he says.

"For what?"

"For not freaking out when I told you what I wanted. For being what I need."

Sauli's forehead glistens with sweat. His cheeks are flushed pink. Adam sure he can't be more beautiful, but then he smiles. Adam leans over and kisses him.

 

 _fin_.


End file.
